30 Days of Truth - Day 7

Day 7 - Someone who has made your life worth living for.


When I was compliling the list for this writing assignment I thought to myself....hmmmm......that should be an easy one to answer. But I find myself sitting here thinking that there is no ONE person that has made my life worth living for.  In my life I have had coming and goings of people that have helped me tremendously and hurt me immensely.  


I have spent a good chunk of time in the last year trying to define who I am.  Thoughts of what I wanted to be when I grew up and then thoughts of now. Did I succeed? Did I fail?  It all depends on how I look at it, I guess.


So the statement.....Someone who has made your life worth living for.  There is not one person or thing.  There is no ONE answer to that statement.  Let's try it this way.


To everyone who questioned my path in life, who doubted my decisions, who took advantage of me, who put down my accomplishments, treated me like shit, who said wonderful things to my face and then said terrible things about me to others; this is for you.


To the abuser who stole my innocence at the age of 7, who taught me about sex when I had no business learning it at that young age, those who did not understand my pain, understand my feelings, my insecurities, and laughed at me; this is for you.


To those who attempted to dash my dreams and doubt my abilities, who have openly spoken their thoughts that I would fail, who never had my back; this is for you.


To those whom have been in my life and used to care about me but now only wish bad things for me, who have chosen to turn their back on me when I make decisions they don't approve of, who have betrayed me, abused my trust, caused so much irreparable damage to my heart; this is for you.


To those who put me down with words, who judge me and think I am nothing or not worth it, who have kicked me while I have been down, who bullied me as a child and made fun of me for years, who violated my confidence while pretending to be a friend; this is for you.


To those who without giving me the benefit of the doubt and jump to conclusions about me, who judge the cover of the book without seeing what is inside, who view me as not worthy of their time, their friendship, their love; who heard untruths about me and changed their hearts and minds about me, who have made me cry over losses in my life; this is for you.


To those who spoke of how I would never succeed and tried to hold me back, who never gave me a chance to be in the spotlight, who conspired and blocked the road, who laughed at every shortcoming, made fun of my flaws; this is for you.


To the couple, who could not be the people I wanted, who did alot of the above things while not even realizing they did so, quick to judge, quick to put down- with a look and with words, who gave me much hurt and lots of confusion, emotional pain and deep sadness, who made me feel worthless and as if my life didn't matter; this is for you.


To anyone who has spoken nasty words and been untruthful about me, who tried to dismember me with spoken words and spewed hateful names, who are within my own family; this is for  you.


To anyone who who made my life a living hell, who inflicted the pain and sadness any which way they could; to all who made me feel like shit through the years as if I didn't matter; this is for you.


All of the above......YOU.....have made my life worth living.  I will not point fingers and say who YOU are.  It is not necessary to do so.  YOU know who you are.  I am who I am because all of the above has brought me to this time in my life.  I move forward.  I keep plugging along because of those voices in my head of the negative nellies and the bullies of my youth-- they keep me moving forward.  I have been knocked down to the depths of hell and bounced back time and time again.  Because deep down all these years I have felt that I have had to prove YOU wrong.  I don't believe that any more. The pain that was inflicted on me for years....I believe that has made me a stronger person.


I am not pathetic.  YOU are.  I am a good person.  YOU are not.  I still want to love unconditionally.  In spite of the emotional damage YOU put me through.


YOU may think that you have suceeded in what you did.  Because you felt gratification at seeing me hurt.  But guess what.....you didn't succeed because I refuse to let YOU win.  YOU never did win.  You never will win.  I am me.  I am strong.  I am a better person because of the hell I went through.


YOU are not a part of my life because you truly didn't care about me.  Not my feelings or my pain.  But that's life.  And YOU are in my past.  History.  


I never thought I would say this but....Thank YOU!!