I read a post over at Kelly's blog- http://kelly-reminiscenceoftheyesteryears.blogspot.com/
She posted about a neighborhood being changed because a pedophile was now in the neighborhood.
I am the daughter of a man who did terrible things. He did them against his adopted daughters. He did nothing to me. He has been in prison since 1997.
He was OK'd for parole August 2008. If he could get a Home Plan approved he would be able to get out. He is in terrible health. He has been on the medical ward of the prison for over a year. He is diabetic, has a deteriorating hip and is in a wheelchair. He is an old man now.
He inflicted things on my sisters- added to what was already inflicted upon them in their biological home as well as the foster homes they were in. Totally fucked up their lives. Took their innocence away and skewered their minds. They don't trust easily. My one sister will never find love. She finds only men who use her. My other sister took a long time to find love.
I have always thought that men....the pedophiles who fuck up children should be castrated and thrown into prison to rot for life.
That scenario was abruptly changed when the predator, the man I loved, trusted and looked up to turned out to be my father.
My mother tossed him to the curb and stuck by both of my sisters. I was put on a fence- but yet expected to defend my sisters wholeheartedly. My brother was a lost soul on the whole thing. He didn't know what to do. There was no handbook as to what we were supposed to do. I talked to my sisters. I wouldn't get anything specific from them. I talked to my father and didn't get clear answers from him- except that he admitted to doing wrong. He wouldn't specify what he exactly did- he just vehemently denied doing EVERYTHING they said he did. My thought was- you did wrong with the very first thing you did- there fore guilty for everything all the same.
I was asked to testify by the prosecution. I did. I was cut out of my father's side of the family for the statements that I made and testimony that I gave. I could not lie.
He was found guilty in a court of law. The prosecution would cut no deals to lesson his sentence. He was sentenced 10-20 years.
He is a shell of the man he once was. I had such a hard time with forgiveness for a long time. I have forgiven him, but have not forgotten all he did that shattered our family.
He may never be able to get out of that prison because of the restrictions the parole board has. He may die where he is.
I totally understand the feelings of those who oppose a sexual predator / pedophile from living in their community. But I am also on the other side.
I want him to get a second chance. I want him to get back into society. I don't want him to die in that prison.
I don't know what that says about me. I can understand both sides of the situation- and yet it is different because the man is my father.
Does that make me a terrible person?
I sure hope not.
NO MORE APPETITE FOR AOL This blog came about after I got kicked to the curb by AOL. JLand is but a memory...but a very good one. I have found some of my JLand neighbors but I hope to find them all.
7 comments:
It is not for any of us to judge you either way in this situation, Gina. It is deeply personal, and not understood unless you have been there yourself.
On the face of it, I think you are the greater person for being able to forgive and wishing for the man to be given a second chance. Not all will be able to understand that position, perhaps on account of their own experiences.
Time will tell what happens to your biological father.
Gina, how hard this must have been to write. I am very proud of you. I feel it is no one's place to judge you for your wish that your father get a second chance, your wish that he get out. I believe in redemption for everyone. If not, I would be a hypocrite. Thanks for sharing this with us. Love, Val xox
Gina,
I do not hold you responsible for the actions of what your father did.. this makes you a better person for being able to rise above his mistakes and love him for who he is, your dad.. I did not intend to offend anyone with my post,only expressing my feelings towards any sex offender. They have taken away something from their victim that can never be brought back..their innocence,and their right to live a peaceful life... His actions do not make you a horrible person at all, it's an unconditional love you have for him.. who am I to judge.. maybe he has paid his debt to society..and maybe he does deserve to die in peace.. I too respect you as a person.. and value your honesty. It takes a lot of courage to write about something like this.. please don't think less of me for my personal feelings.. as I shall never think less of you for loving your father..
Kelly~
Kelly,
You did not offend me at all.
Unconditional love is a crazy thing.
Thank you for your kind words. Me not like you or respect you as a person?? Are you kidding?? That would never happen!!!
Thank you again.
You did a really good job of writing a very difficult and personal piece, and you explained yourself well. You aren't responsible for what your father did, and you certainly can't be put down because of how you feel about him or his situation. You can't feel the same feelings your sisters feel, and there is no way any of us can enter into your or their feelings. God is the one who judges us, and if a person has done wrong and paid his debt to society, then we have to go on with our own lives and let them get on with theirs. On the other hand, when we know someone who has committed a sexual crime of any kind is in our neighborhood, it is of course natural that we want to be forewarned, especially if we have children. Everyone should respect your feelings and your own situation, just as we would all want to have ours respected.
Was wondering how you are... hope you are well.
Hugs!!!
Post a Comment