Happy New Year and Some Help, PLEASE??

Hello everyone.

First off...Happy New Year's everyone!! May it be a happy, healthy and prosperous one for you all!!!!

OK. For those of you whom are familiar (and those not familiar......)

My sister has been living with me off and on over the past 18 months. My sister is 34 years old, but she was diagnosed as being EMR (Emotionally Mentally Retarded), as well as other things that affect the status of her mentality. She should be on medication for depression but she says she doesn't like the way it makes her feel so she refuses to take it. My sister reminds me of a teenager and pretty much has that mind set according to the doctors. It is like having 3 kids in my home. When she was younger my parents pushed to get her SSI and SSP from the government for monetary support. (What she also needed to get was some kind of vocational training so that she could "handle" and not get too stressed out when she got a job.) She also should have gotten on a housing authority assistance list so she could have gotten a place on her own. She fell through the cracks of the system on that one!!!!

My sister gets a stipend of money every month plus a small amount of Food Stamp assistance. My husband and I have insisted that my sister give us a "specific" amount of money each month. We don't ask her for her Food Stamp money. It is small amount and helps if we run out of milk, eggs or butter or something. She goes to local deli and picks it up- along with whatever junk food and soda she wants to get.

Her share of the money covers the electricity- she does her wash and watches TV most of the day every day, water usage, portion to cable and phone every month, and the food we buy- we've had to increase the amount of meat and other food we normally purchase for her to eat dinner with us every night and other meals. She goes shopping with us and picks stuff that she wants to eat and we buy it every month.

After she gives us the "specific" amount we ask of her, she is left with $300 a month to do with as she wishes. Mind you she spends at least $100 a month on her cigarette habit. So she is complaining that we are taking advantage of her.

Mind you, that prior to moving back in with us the first week of October, she was living with her biological sister 3 hours away. While living with her sister (from July to October) she over drew her checking account each month for 3 months. When she came back here she didn't pay anything for the first month at all since her account was overdrawn over $450 dollars. (I had to call the bank, get her to give permission for me to speak with them, and fix things for her.)

Fast forward to now, she is claiming that we are taking advantage of her and she is gonna buy a one way ticket back to her sister's neck of the woods and stay with her again.

I am so frustrated after I explain time and again to her that since she has gotten her account squared back to normal again, it has NOT been overdrawn since. I am NOT trying to take advantage of her. I am TRYING to teach her to be more responsible- which is VERY difficult considering how STUBBORN she is.

She is constantly complaining that she wants what my sister and I both have- a man- a husband. She wants a "man". Most men that she has ever attracted has only hurt her, taken advantage of her and even beaten her. She has had 2 children- which she never should have had. Her daughter died at 13 months of age and her son was taken from her when he was only 3 months old. Her son's paternal grandparents are raising him and have a rough road ahead of them. My sister's son was diagnosed with multiple problems. He is 7 1/2 and has the mentality of a 3-4 year old. My sister's problems- coupled with that of the father who was "slow" in school- went into their child.

She was abused by her biological parents, by foster siblings and also in her adoptive home (what a hellish life she has had!!)

I am frustrated often by the things that she says. My mother says that she could better herself and her circumstances if she "wanted" to. My sister says the same thing-- that for all these years, most of us have enabled her instead of insisting that she learn a skill to help herself become dependent upon herself and no others.

I am going to stop here.

But I would *love* feedback from others on here. Anyone in Pennsylvania that can suggest a group I can get her in to talk and get issues out of her system would be great. Any organization I can get in touch with to get her assistance that she NEEDS and should have had YEARS ago, please, please let me know.