Wednesday, February 2, 2011

30 Days of Truth / Day 3

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This is my second attempt at posting. My computer had issues and I lost the whole thing I had typed up. I used to have that happen all the time over at AOL...but never here at Blogger. It was very weird. Oh well.....I can't cry over it.......I just have to do it over.

I am finding this writing exercise is bringing so many things to the surface. Which makes it so difficult to pick just one thing out of my brain to write about.

But alas.....I will pull something out to write about.

Growing up it was installed in all the younger generation that you had to respect your elders. It was drilled into all the kids. I swear it would come time to leave grandma's house and it would take almost an hour to say "goodbye" to everyone. Because if you didn't say "goodbye" to someone you would hear about it later because someone would say something to my mother. I could have gone around the house and said "goodbye" to 40 people....but I would get condemned for the ONE person I missed. LOL!!! It was crazy growing up in my family....but it was never a dull moment. My family was so darn dysfunctional......I would love to write a book about it some day.

Well......I hit my teen years and my attitude took a nose dive. I was hanging with the wrong crowd. Doing things that were quite inappropriate. And to say I was disrespectful toward everyone would be an understatement. I started to smoke cigarettes. I experimented with alcohol a bit. I tried marijuana and didn't like it. I had sex wayyyyy before I should have. I did all of these things and put my family through hell.

I moved out when I was 18. I left home 5 months before graduation. A month before graduation I found out I was pregnant. A month after graduation I split with the boyfriend and went back home. I was in a pickle. My parents didn't know I was pregnant at first. I was home for about a week before it came out. We were sitting at the table and my mother said something like....well, at least you didn't get pregnant!! The color completely drained out of my face and my mother knew. My parents were furious with me. They wanted to crush the guy who got me pregnant. (This same guy is who I am married to today. Almost 20 years now!!)

Well.....here comes the part I have to forgive myself for. Well....for the reasons of this writing assignment...I have to forgive myself. But I asked God for forgiveness years ago.

I know that I was pregnant with twins. I didn't know until after the fact that I was pregnant with twins. I knew the gal that worked at the abortion clinic and she told me. For years I told people that I miscarried twins. Horrible of me to do, I know. But I did. But I was ashamed deep down at what I did. My parents forced me to get the abortion. They were Catholic. They told me I brought shame to them. They actually went to Georgia for a family reunion and told me that I had better not be pregnant when they came back from the reunion. Yeah......that actually happened. It was a horrible time in my life and it scarred me in such a way that I thought I would never recover. I spent a month inside the house and refused to go out anywhere. I finally got dragged out by friends and they were a blessing to me.

In September I got a job, I started going to Business School and was moving on with my life.

A few months later my husband came to the Bazaar of All Nations- where I worked. (This was a Mall of sorts) I worked in a restaurant at the Bazaar. We talked for a bit. We agreed that we needed to get together outside of my job and talk things through.

We ended up getting back together and have been together ever since. I got sick in December and was on antibiotics. I was also still smoking cigarettes. John asked me to marry him and we went away for the weekend to celebrate. I was on the pill. I wasn't supposed to get pregnant again for at least a year- according to my OB/GYN. Well....that weekend I got pregnant.

There's more to the story.....but I will leave that for another time.

We got married 9/14/91. Our son was born 9/16/91. That's what I call a shotgun wedding....LOL!!!!

I went several years with the guilt of having the abortion. I was young and very, very naive about things in the world. I don't remember the day I asked God for forgiveness....but I do remember this huge weight had lifted off of my shoulders.


Monday, January 31, 2011

30 Days of Truth / Day 2

Day 2 - Something that you love about yourself.

I love that I was born with an outgoing personality. I can walk into a room with 100 people I don't know and be able to strike up a conversation with anyone.

When I was in high school I was drawn to people giving speeches- on television and in public. I thought to myself that giving speeches would be an interesting career move. I even dreamed of working at the White House. That dream was pretty crazy, right??? I mean I had dawdled in the written word with poetry and short stories, but never had I tried to give a speech. That was until my senior year in high school.

I was involved in a group at my high school. I learned the skills necessary to write a proper speech and how to give it to an audience. To capture them and have them eager to listen and perhaps learn from what I spoke. I won an award. 3rd place in a state-wide competition. My speech was on the importance of following through on education and pursuing a college degree. For going to college was following the ladder to succeed in your future.

I am one of those backwards people. Know why? I graduated high school in June of 1990. I got engaged and pregnant December of 1990. I got married September of 1991 and became a Mother in September of 1991, too! I had completed a business course at a technical college for which I had earned a Diploma. I had completed a few college classes as well. But no college degree for me.

I kept active- raising first my son and now raising up my daughter. We had hoped our son would go the route of College and he has not. He is 19 and there is still hope he will figure out what he wants to do with his life. You see we spoiled the crap out of him and now must shake him into the realization that life is not handed to you. You have to work for what you want. If he never goes to College, I fear that he will have to work quite hard at manual labor to make his way in life. I hope that does not happen.

My daughter is 13 going on 14. What an amazing age. I am watching my daughter grow into a young woman. Independent and head strong she is. She is a beautiful blend of skills between her father and myself. She loves to Read- like ME and excels at Math- like her Dad.

Here I went and rambled on.

Back to the subject at hand- something I love about myself.

I love my outgoing personality. I have my bad days- this past year has been FILLED with them. I try not to let them get me totally down. I know I have depression issues and I refuse to fall into taking medication to "help". I just keep surrounding myself with friends and family- in real life as well as online- to stay positive. I just keep telling myself that I can walk, I can talk and I can take care of myself. I have post-surgical issues that may be permanent and painful- but I could be much, much worse.

My outgoing personality and openness with others is what will keep me going. I love LIFE. I love to learn something new every day. And I do. Every day. Reading a book, reading blogs and journals online, watching documentaries and watching television. Sitting down and talking to my daughter about how her day went. Watching my kids do something simple- like sledding when I was a child.

So.......what do you love about yourself? Better yet....check out a previous post that give a 30 Day List. Copy it and tackle it yourself!!! Oh and by all means.....please let me know you've done so- that way I can check it out.

Thanks and Have a fantastic day!!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

30 Days of Truth / Day 1

Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself.

Boy, that is not a tough one for me. I could write a list a mile long, I think.

I hate that I can not commit to losing weight. I will try different things and start looking good and then I fall back into the same pattern of eating crappy foods and I put on the pounds.

Now that I have medical issues it is a necessity to get the weight off.

I watched a documentary last week on Netflix. It is called Food Matters. It explained how foods you eat affect your body. And how taking in nutrients (Vitamins) can actually cure diseases. WOW!! And it is not spoken of by medical professionals. WHY NOT??

You need to see the documentary. And to each his own in regards to their opinions. But, for me it was an eye opener. Now, I just need the $$$ to accomplish eating much healthier.

If you notice.....junk foods are cheap and a quick fix for satisfying a hunger pang.

Roughage and raw foods that are suggested for healthier eating are always a tad bit expensive.

OK. Back to the subject. Me needing to commit to losing weight. One of the things I hate about myself. Lack of committment to losing weight.

A while back I ordered a bracelet from Dr. Oz's website. (www.doctoroz.com) It was a Just 10 bracelet. The object is to commit to eating healthier and following his plan to lose 10 pounds.

Starting on losing those first 10 pounds is something I need to do.

Committment. Change a negative to a positive!

30 Day Writing Excercise

I read this somewhere the other day. I don't remember where I found it. But I thought it would be a good writing excercise to do.


30 Days of Truth


Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2 - Something you love about yourself.
Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6 - Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7 - Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.
Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)
Day 14 - A hero tht has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.
Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 - Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today.
Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up o life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 - What's the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 - What if your were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.


My next blog will start the 30 Days of Truth writing excercise!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

New Year....New Happenings

It is 2011. A New Year. A New Start. A change to OLD problems need to happen and happen SOON!!!

Financials are a freakin' mess. But at least I have a solid roof over my head. Not like the money pit I lived in for 11 years. That is a whole other can of worms that I won't even get started on.

I had a conversation with a gentleman this morning who brightened my day a little bit. I need all the prayers that I can get that what we talked about will actually happen.

Life is busy. Our son- he's 19- is moving up with us next week. We had to go out and get a new bed and he will get our old bed. New bed is being delivered tomorrow between 4 and 8 p.m. I can't wait!!! (Can't wait for the bed.....NOT the bill to pay off for the bed....LOL!!)

Another mouth to feed in the house. And boy can he eat!!! I told him he is getting job ASAP to put toward the increased electricity, water, and food bills. The good thing about being up here is that there are great employment opportunities out here. Back where he was it wasn't so good.

I think with him being up here...away from his friends...he can get his life in order. Perhaps realize that his friends are not the greatest influences in his life. Hoping that he grows up a bit and matures. He needs to stop expecting the world to be handed to him. Life doesn't work that way.

Oh well...done venting. It is close to lunch time here and gonna rustle something up to eat.

TTFN......Ta Ta for now!!!

Friday, December 31, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Out with the old and in with the New. I hope it is a Happy and Healthy New Year!!!! For me and everyone else, too!!!

Be safe everyone!!!!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Saturday in Lancaster County/ Remembering 9/11

Today will be 79 degrees and beautiful out!!! I have to run errands today. I will be quite busy.

I had a steroid injection yesterday and it is wreaking havoc with my blood sugar. Between headache, pain at injection site and having issues with my blood sugar I had a rotten night. I will be getting the doc on the phone this morning.

I am going to have to take a nap at some point today. It is going to be a busy night. We are going to the York County Fair and the kids are going to a concert. All Star Weekend and Selena Gomez are in concert at the Fair. They should have a great time at the concert.

I will crash into bed tonight that is for sure!!!!

Have a great day everyone!!!!!!

****************************************************

Today is the 7th Anniversary of 9/11. I am honoring the same young man I honored back in 2006.

Please take a moment today and remember all of the lives who were lost that day.


Christian Louis "Chris" DeSimone
World Trade Center
Taking On Responsibility When Christian L. De Simone's father died of a heart attack 18 months ago, he was there for his mother, Christel. He left his position as linebacker for the Rams football team at the University of Rhode Island so he could have more time to commute to and from his home in Ringwood, N.J. After graduation, Mr. DeSimone, 23, moved back home and found a job as a forensic accountant at Marsh & McLennan on the 100th floor at 1 World Trade Center."He didn't have to take on the responsibility of the house, but he wanted to do it," Mrs. DeSimone said. "He was always like that. Just the other day, a 20-year-old neighbor came to the door to tell me that my son was his hero because he carried himself so wonderfully and he was so smart."Mr. DeSimone was to have turned 24 on Oct. 18. Profile published in THE NEW YORK TIMES on October 8, 2001.Christian DeSimone was no stranger to disaster areas. He assessed damage at disaster sites around the world, most recently after a deadly oil refinery fire in England.The 23-year-old resident of Ringwood, N.J., was a forensic accountant for a firm headquartered on the 100th floor of the World Trade Center's north tower. His mother fears her son's familiarity with grim situations, coupled with a lifelong desire to help people, may have ultimately contributed to his death."I'm sure that, even if he had a chance to escape, he died trying to help people," Christel DeSimone said of her son, a onetime linebacker at the University of Rhode Island. "He was so big and strong and fearless, and he had such a sense of responsibility."Which is why it was uncharacteristic that DeSimone woke up 45 minutes late and forgot his lunch on Sept. 11. It was also a reason to hold out hope--for a while, his mother thought the delay may have kept him from getting to his office before the hijacked planes hit."I talked to him for the last time on his cell phone on his way to work," his mother said."I tried to convince him to come back to get the lunch, but he liked being in the office early." Christian had followed his late father into forensic accounting and had been studying to take the certified public accountant's exam when the trade center was attacked, his mother said.For several days afterward, his mother and 20-year-old sister, Martina, scoured Web sites and news reports for any word of his whereabouts. A group of 15 friends--including DeSimone's girlfriend, Jennifer--searched New York hospitals.On Sept. 15, representatives from DeSimone's company, Marsh USA/Caps Group, informed his family that no one working above the 95th floor had been found."That's when I gave up hope," his mother said.She said the family has plans for a memorial service but has not yet decided when to hold it."I'm not ready to bring myself to deal with it," she said. "People talk about closure, but I don't like that word. For me, this will never be closed." Profile courtesy of THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE.DeSIMONE - Christian "Chris" Louis, 23, of Ringwood, after working for Marsh McLennan for only one year, was lost to the World Trade Center Attack on September 11th, 2001. Chris grew up in Ringwood and attended Ringwood Christian School. Upon graduation from elementary school, Chris went on to Lakeland Regional High School where he excelled in academics and athletics. Having an attractive standing, Chris attended the University of Rhode Island where he studied accounting and German while also being a member of the University's football team. After excelling in post-secondary school and being named to the Dean's List, Chris quickly received a job to work for Marsh McLennan as an accountant on the 100th floor of Tower One. The premature loss of such a wonderful individual so loved and respected by all is society's loss. Words cannot express the potential of ths young man who had very high aspirations. All who knew him found him to be very friendly, loving, and determined. He will be deeply missed. Chris is the beloved son of Christel DeSimone (nee Bleiber) and the late Louis DeSimone, beloved brother of Martina DeSimone and dear friend of Jennifer Palmer. Chris is survived by his grandparents, Bertl and Helmut Bleiber, his uncle and aunt, Wolfgang and Heike Bleiber (Germany). He is also sadly missed by Louis and Hella DeSimone, John and Queenie Mesisca, Leo and Louise DeSimone, Mary Lenk, and Lucy Kavazanzjian as well as many other relatives and friends in Germany, Austria and the United States. A Memorial Service will be held to celebrate Chris's young life on Saturday, January 12, 2002 at noon at the St. Catherine of Bologna Church, 112 Erskine Road, Ringwood, NJ, (973) 962-7032 where Chris was a member. In lieu of flowers, a special scholarship fund in remembrance of Chris has been established to benefit a deserving student at Chris' alma mater, the University of Rhode Island. Donations may be made to the Christian Louis DeSimone Foundation, UBS Paine Webber, 133 Hackensack Ave., Hackensack, NJ 07601-6383. Paid notice published in THE NORTH JERSEY RECORD on January 9, 2002.Christian L. DeSimone, 23, a math sleuth For two weeks in June, Christian Louis DeSimone traveled to Manchester, England, to do financial detective work. A "forensic accountant" for New York-based Marsh & McLennan, Mr. DeSimone investigated an explosion at an oil refinery, tallying up losses in preparation for an insurance claim. At other times, his work assigned him to travel elsewhere -- to Las Vegas, New Orleans, the West Coast -- to investigate the cost, in the financial sense, of other disasters. "He loved numbers, you have to like numbers," said his mother, Christel DeSimone, of Ringwood in Passaic County, describing her son's passion for his work. Along with the numbers came the excitement of travel, and the satisfaction of dissecting catastrophes. It was in such a tragedy, many times multiplied, that Mr. DeSimone died. Employed since January 2000 by Marsh & McLennan, Mr. DeSimone was working on the 100th floor of the North Tower when the first jetliner struck the World Trade Center on Sept. 11. He was 23. Mr. DeSimone, who was known as Chris, picked up his love for accounting from his father, Louis, who died two years ago, family and friends said. In his spare time, he enjoyed watching football, rooting for the Green Bay Packers and fixing up things around the house, said Jennifer Palmer of Wanaque, a friend since they were both freshmen at Lakeland Regional High School in Wanaque.A second-generation German-American, Mr. DeSimone graduated in 2000 from the University of Rhode Island in Kingston, where he majored in German and accounting, and played football. A student internship led to a position with Marsh & McLennan after graduation. He worked briefly with a financial firm in Parsippany but relocated to the World Trade Center when that company was acquired by Marsh & McLennan. On workdays, he usually awoke at 5:15 a.m., reading the newspaper and catching breakfast before leaving the house he shared with his mother at 6. He would drive to the NJ Transit station in Ramsey and take the train to Hoboken before catching the PATH train or ferry to Manhattan. But on Sept. 11, both overslept, and he didn't leave until minutes before 7, forgetting his lunch in the rush. His mother called his cellphone, asking whether she should take his lunch to the station. The conversation lasted five minutes, and he said she need not trouble herself. "It was the last time I spoke with him," DeSimone said. "We said goodbye, and that was it. "They leave in the morning and they never return, that is the hardest thing to understand." The tragedy has brought out the best in her neighbors, DeSimone added. "The people here have been absolutely incredible for us," she said. In addition to his mother, Mr. DeSimone is survived by his younger sister, Martina of Ringwood; his grandparents, Helmut and Bertl Bleiber, and other relatives. A memorial service will be held at noon Saturday in the St. Catherine of Bologna Church, 112 Erskine Road, Ringwood. His body has not been recovered. In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to a scholarship fund for students at the University of Rhode Island, at the Christian Louis DeSimone Foundation, UBS Paine Webber, 133 Hackensack Ave., Hackensack, N.J. 07601-6383. Profile by George Berkin published in THE STAR-LEDGER.
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